Why do I feel I just count numbers and I do constant summing up?

I do not know what is about this time of the year or time in my life, that all I do is statistics and summing up and prognosis for the next year…Today, 2 concerts that I was preparing for the next month got cancelled, plus the other things that I was supposed to do were postponed…

So many good things happened in January, 3 concerts, plus the work on My fair lady which kept me on my toes for a long time…And today, that marks 6 years in this beautiful country…Still doesn’t make me that happy…I am really grateful for the fact that I do music for living, I live in a Mediterranean country of Malta, I have my precious and naughty cat Simba and I got really fit- by my standards at least… but I still feel there is something missing…I do feel lonely and after 6 years being in a foreign place, I feel, is there something wrong  with me that there is nobody else expect of my ex that I can call for a drink and who will listen to me being down…Or the fact that for doing something like music you are not being rewarded with enough money and you have to be frightened every single month if you have enough?  I do not know, it might be just a bad day or it might a moment to reflect if what I do is worth it? Is it worth enough for me?…


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